21:21:02:33
There
was a ranch-style door. That door always fascinated me. I’d see
those types of doors in television’s perfect family homes. Ward and
June Cleaver had one. So did the family on “Father Knows Best”
have a ranch-style door. The ranch-style door is half a door high. I
was tall enough that on my toes, I could see into the room. When
looking in, I could always see Mr. N, the school janitor sitting
on his chair behind that door. He was a big man. When not behind his
door, he would pick me up and sling me around like I imagined a
Ferris wheel ride would be. Oh, what a ride! One day he beckoned me
into this room.
I was being noticed. Me, called into
this special place behind a perfect door. Wait, this got better
because, in the hand resting on his knee, was candy. There was a
condition. He wanted me to sit on his lap. That was okay, I thought.
After all, I sat on my father’s lap. But oh, no!. I feel his
finger, sliding underneath my dress and pushing my panties aside,
touching my vagina. All I saw was the candy. Then he turned me around
to see his penis. He wanted me to kiss it. All I saw was the candy.
There must have been sores on it. I had fever sores on my lips until
Junior High School. Not until twenty-two years later did I remember
this consciously.
What also became very conscious
was how that day has been shaping my world well into adulthood. The
edges began to blur, and the lines started to fade. I was caught in a
world that no longer existed. That world that no longer existed was
the past. My imagination took a hold of me. I pleaded with the
six-year-old girl. I chastised the now middle-aged woman. Then an
ocean of tears in supplication for justice began to pour out.
Listen
here old self. The little me was speaking. This is my soliloquy. In
all the years I have been a part of you, I have become quite
sophisticated. Me and you is I. I know that humankind’s will
repudiates and denies his responsibility toward good and evil. He
blames good and evil on the “collective mind.” There is no such
thing as the collective mind. The concept of the collective
mind, a single mind that all of mankind use, is a fable told by the
ruling class.
Further,
it is pure sophistry to claim suffering as a virtue. In the past, I
have sought a pleasant life but refuse to admit that continued
suffering is incompatible with what is good and noble. I weaponized
suffering by turning to snide remarks, ridicule, and harsh judgment.
The
old woman chimed
in. Over the years, I have
accumulated a few pleasantries. Spiritually my life is barren.
The
little girl and the old woman came
to a consensus and agreed
to be one.
To become one
is not to deny either but to become whole.
To be whole
is to be present.
Then
the word
became present. The spiritual word said, “Only
the soul who is present
can access
the God Mind.
If his consciousness is in the past, then he is a primitive-man.
Primitive
man implies an ignorant or uncultivated mind. The term assumes
that man of old lacked the intellectual capacity to contemplate
the God
mind. If
his consciousness is in the future, then he does not exists. A
future centric consciousness is
a subjectivist
theory that might-makes-right
and the accumulation of power is the only solution. Subjectivism is a
condition of the collective mind. Tear yourself
away from the masses that is the collective mind. Modern man
is solitary.
The
collective mind come to you and ask that you cast your lot in with
them. They only seek to steal your lot. They will tell you that for
you to be strong, you must unite with them. They will gather you to
lay in wait for the blood of those they hate. They will paint a
picture of perfection then open its door to reveal the decay and
wickedness within. Reject the collective mind with all your heart and
soul. That is the gift of free will.
You are a
solitary soul. So, it is justice you want? Bind yourself in mercy and
truth. Mercy means sensitiveness to the feelings of others and
acknowledgment that you are God’s perfection. To walk in truth is
to keep sound wisdom and discernment. The ways to sound wisdom and
discernment are to acknowledge God. God will direct your path. God is
at the lectern, are you present?
